I Never Thought of It That Way
This is the book selection for the Alamance-Elon 2023 Community Book Club. We will be offering two sessions for people to engage with this book. The first is Thursday, September 21, from 4-5:30 p.m. at Elon Community Church. The author will be there for the first part of the discussion! Register by emailing elonbydesign@elon.edu. The second session will be Wednesday, October 4, from 12:00-1:30 p.m. at Mebane Public Library. To register, call 919-563-6431. The first 12 people to register will receive a free book. Attend one or both sessions, and tell us what you think!
“I never thought of it that way.” What a great phrase to utter when having a charged conversation with someone who believes differently than you!
In this book, Monica Guzmán shares her strategies on how to have difficult conversations that are productive, build bridges, and lead not necessarily to change, but to understanding each other. Her main premise is to be curious, and lead from that curiosity, not from a need to be right.
Too often, when we’re talking to someone who believes differently than we do, we shut down the conversation by using charged language, asking leading or gotcha questions, coming in with preconceived judgements about that person’s beliefs, and not listening. Instead, Guzmán encourages us to be curious about one another.
“I can tell you feel really strongly about that. What led you to that belief?”
“What is the most important challenge that you think our world is facing?”
“Tell me your story – I can tell you have a personal connection to this issue.”
“I’m curious – can you tell me a little bit more about that?”
What I loved about this book is Guzmán’s openness about her own story. She shares her journey towards being curious rather than confrontational, and from being a reporter who mapped out each and every question in an interview to someone who allows the conversation to lead the interview after one curious question. She also shares her difficult conversations with her parents, who are on the other side of the political spectrum from her. If even an “expert” occasionally gets in a shouting match with her parents, we all can feel better about ourselves! But we also can follow Guzmán’s example, and find ways to bridge the gaps in our understanding of each other. She says that while her views on issues and who should be president haven’t changed, she understands why her parents vote the way they do. It gives me hope that I, too, could have difficult conversations that lead to understanding, rather than an entrenchment on both sides about what we believe.
Mary Beth Adams is the Community Engagement Librarian for Alamance County Public Libraries. You can reach her at madams@alamancelibraries.org or 336-570-6981.